Thank you, Kitchenlogic for the comments in my guestbook and on the judges blog. Thank you also those who IM'd me last night. Edna: thank you too. I haven't asked anyone to say anything on my behalf, though a whole bunch of people have offered.
Kim, I really don't understand what I could have possibly done to deserve all this. That's one crucial bit you have failed to give an answer to. I never gave you and your friends reason for this months long campaign.
If I had known that joining a simple online game would indirectly lead to me having to lock up the diary, I certainly wouldn't have joined.
As for the accusations, IP details etc, etc - just because I signed sinnamon's guestbook leaving behind the router IP doesn't 'prove' all the wild things you suggest it does. This issue is not black and white, I agree and those whom I trust have been able to read my account of the events (in the diary at present). I haven't had any previous experience with flamers or stalkers, so unfortunately that hasn't helped. I would give you a full account of the events here, but 1. you would still twist it and yak at me for playing the victim 2. most people don't care about the details anymore (if they ever did) and can see things for themselves. 3. those whom I trust can read it where it belongs.
Let me put it this way:
You started something unimaginably childish and cruel for NO reason.
I ignored it to the best of my ability UNTIL you and your friends started posting copyrighted material on that board. Even then I didn't publicly do anything - just quietly emailed the host. Well, you know the rest: it was your actions that continued to drag me through mud because you chose to post all the emails in public. I would rather have kept a very low profile and let things settle.
You shat on this contest, the players, judges and organisers by making this all about you. You posted on the blog repeatedly about things that had nothing to do with the game.
Even when you publicly said it was 'over', you, telutci, uber, sinnamon - and even Meg from diaryland survivor were in fact members of the Yahoo Club you created specifically for the purpose of continuing your campaign. I didn't know about it until I was told - at the time, I was taking a break from diaryland to try and think about what to do with everything.
And so on and so on.
I don't personally have anything to hide, but there are reasons which leave me no option, but to re-shuffle everything now that you have stripped me of anonymity. I am upset and feel sick to the stomach over this, yes. I'm going to re-open gingerbug sometime in the next couple of days, but it will be used very differently to how it has been so far. The real diary will be elsewhere. You can't stop me from writing, but you have successfully caused a lot of hurt, frustration, wasted time and hassle for me and the readers who have followed along on the journey.
Am I playing the victim? I don't think so, I'm just stating how I feel. I received this note within minutes of locking up: "Just noticed that you are locked....bummer. Found you back in July after my fiance attempted suicide--your posts on your mom helped me out. Hope you are doing well...and if you unlock yourself (or care to share the pwd) let me know. Take care... ". I've had several messages like it since. I never wanted to write in public for personal attention, I wanted to write in public for this. You will no doubt found something wrong in that too.
Yes, I asked why you thought I was Scourge. Well, as far as I can tell, no-one called Scourge has actually ever posted at Open City. Why not check Scourge's IP? He has posted all over the place. My IP to that router and the IP of three usernames (?) from that board match. I know why that is, but you will have to read it from my diary to know. I have never sent anyone on that board, I have never posted on that board and no-one (to my knowledge) has hacked your board. I have not asked Edna, Disco, Gwen, Trin - or anyone to do anything on my behalf. 99% of the stuff you accuse me of is in fact stuff you are or have been doing. Such as attention seeking, for instance. Or checking IP addresses. (Just a couple of examples).
Anyway. I am really really sorry about the d-survivor contest. I apologise for discussing this stuff here in the Blog.